MEMORANDUM TO ALL MY SISTERS, AUNTS & NIECES from or with ancestral roots in the precinits of Mt. Kenya.
By Captain Collins Wanderi
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1. Potato is not a vegetable but a staple starch. Serving your husband; fiancee or man-friend boiled potatoes in the name of stew for another staple starch is a plan to send him 6 feet under before his time.
2. It is perfectly possible to prepare a dish of tender meat without adding any oil, potatoes and gallons of water; this is what keeps your men glued to dingy meat joints between.
3. Cabbage, Spinach and Sukuma wiki are not the only vegetables found within the tropics; please try terere, managu, thabai, kanyûria, kahûrûra, osuga, murenda too. Adding water to seasonal vegetables is lack of sophistication.
4. Broiler chicken should never ever be boiled and french fries is food for children below the age of 12.
5. Tubers such as ndûma, ngwacî, gîkwa among others are staple starches, not snacks.
6. With a little bit of patience, it is possible to make well cooked brown or white ugali without patches of uncooked flour.
7. You only require patience, not magic to make well rounded chapati. Hexagonal chapati is a sign of evil thought.
8. Minji is a legume, not a vegatable and contains chemicals which cause bloating; abdominal swelling, excessive gas and flatulence.
9. Mixing everything; starch, protein, vegetables and oil in one pot and adding a gallon of water is laziness of the rankest order. Stop it!
10. The fact that your grandma, mother and aunt did or does something doesn't make it right.
11. You are what you eat. During this period of 'Korona fairas', please spend a bit of time to learn new culinary skills for the good of everybody. Dietary therapy is a virtue.
12. Every man knows how to cook, unless you picked a hood boy straight from his mother's house. Before you cook or serve poison, learn to ask for help. After all the chief chefs in 5-star hotels are always men!
NB: This post is dedicated to our brothers and sisters who left us before their time courtesy of poor dietary habits at home.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Captain Collins Wanderi comments on sociopolitical and economic issues. Follow him on Facebook HERE.